I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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