Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My bed smells like the plague
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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