If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
