I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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