I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
