Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
