did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
