I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
two words...techno handjob
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
