Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
