did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
