I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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