You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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