all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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