does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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