You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
