what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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