Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
