"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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