Say something about gay babies.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
