Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
