youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
