feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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