tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
from now on my penis is your penis
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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