Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
