Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
