I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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