dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
