Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
