her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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