Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
