Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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