all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
