3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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