you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
