I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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