i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
How external is "for external use only"?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
