In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
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you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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