that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
