just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just gargled with NyQuil
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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