Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
