Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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