i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
