we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
