just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
