Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
