Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize