Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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