my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
