If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
