I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
