i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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