I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
