Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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