i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
