Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
