so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
literally had 100 drinks last night.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize