but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
