I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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