The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
