i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
