I haven't been this sober since birth.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
