I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
