you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
