Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
