He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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