she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
