rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
