Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
