thus making me awesome and them whores
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
