and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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