obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
