How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
