Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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