people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
